Toilet Paper In a Collapse

Were going to get dirty today guys. Or more accurately were going to wipe away the dirt. Toilet paper and waste disposal is not a subject we’ve discussed on Survivalpunk. Until now that is. It is not a glamorous part of survival. Nobody want to think about life after flushing. Unless you think about it now though your going to wish you did. A little prior thought about this foul subject can go a long way. Not only will it save your nostrils but possible your life. I’m deciding to break this into a two part post. This first part will focus only on toilet paper. Wipe away your fear and lets get right to it.

Toilet Paper History

Have you ever wondered how long modern toilet paper has been around? I have because I think random things. Modern commercial toilet paper originated in the 19th century, with a patent for roll-based dispensers being made in 1883. Throughout history many things have been used. Some very strange. Ancient Jews used small pebbles carried in a special sack. Rags, wool, hands all have been used. Years ago while researching this topic I came across a story on it . 16th-century French satirical writer François Rabelais, wrote in length in Gargantua and Pantagruel about it. I did not know that 16th century France had satirical writers. In it that character Gargantua goes on and on about all the things he has wiped his butt on. Apparently the most divine being a goose neck. You can read the whole book for free on the net Here. I’ve included the passage here.

Afterwards I wiped my bum, said Gargantua, with a kerchief, with a pillow, with a pantoufle, with a pouch, with a pannier, but that was a wicked and unpleasant torchecul; then with a hat. Of hats, note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties, and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter.

Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf’s skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney’s bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer’s lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs.

So potty humor has always been around. I do not recommend using a goose though. I do have some serious suggestions though.

Stock Up

One option you can do is to stock up on store bought toilet paper. It’s cheap and last forever in it’s plastic packaging. With a very minimal investment you could buy enough to last a very long time. I do think this has a part in your plan. Me being a single guy tp tends to last a long time. Usually $20 in toilet paper last a few months. I keep a few rolls separate as emergency rolls. About 6~12 rolls in a closet in case I run out and forget to stock back up. The problem though is space. It tends to be very bulky. The amount of space to stock up for a long term collapse would be massive. Right now I live in an apartment and don’t have that kind of room. So store bought paper is a short term solution.

Bad Writing

When cheap books became available after the invention of the printing press people began wiping their backsides with them. That makes it a dual purpose item. You can stock up on cheap paperback books and tear out pages. You could read the book while on the pot and tear out the finished pages to use. While not as comfortable as double ply it serves more purposes. I would not want to use any valuable books for this but if you wife reads trashy romance novels go ahead.

Mullein Cowboy TP

Mullein had been used as toilet paper by many in the past. I first saw this plant on a Paul Wheaton video years ago. I wasn’t sure it grew anywhere near though. This past summer though I have seen it everywhere. The route I take on my daily drive to work is filled with them. Mullein is a long stalk plant with big velvety leafs on it. I pulled over one day to pick some. They are so soft it’s crazy. Almost like rabbit fur. Probably not as soft as a goose neck. When I start my homestead I plan on growing some for this purpose. While I don’t want to switch completely as an adjunct to paper this would made supplies last much longer.

Those are just a few options. Rags and hands have worked for many. I will not be testing the Jewish pebbles though. I’m also not fond of washing out a rag either. Paper and mullein will compost and ad to soil fertility. Laundry during a collapse is a whole topic for another day. I barely like to do it now with washing machines.

What are you planning on using during a collapse? Think 16th century French writers were funny? Let me know in the comments!